I used to make New Year’s Resolutions. For about ten years, the first thing on my list was “Quit Smoking.” It wasn’t until a year that I didn’t have it on my list that I finally quit smoking (which, incidentally, will be ten years ago this coming August).
I used to make a list of things I felt I needed to do in order to improve myself. Because, isn’t that part of the human experience, this notion that we’re constantly in need of being improved upon?
Every year I’d make a list, and, every year I’d accomplish very few of the resolutions. “Being neater and more organized” was on my list for at least twenty years, and I’ve made little to no progress in that particular arena. Same for things like “dust more often” and “vacuum more often.” I used to worry about the dusting and vacuuming, until I realized that we’re lucky if we have one visitor a month, so why bother? I mean, we only dust and vacuum because we don’t want others to think we’re slobs, right?
Working out, going to the gym more, getting into better shape has been on my list for more years than I can count. Every year, I feel good about it, but, after the second or third day at the gym, I’m all:
I used to make a list — sometimes written, sometimes just a mental list — with good intentions to do as many of the things on the list as I could. It seemed that if I could do these things, I’d somehow be a better person.
Then one day it occurred to me, I don’t really care. I am who I am, and you’ll either like me, dusty house and all, or you won’t. I don’t need some list that usually, around June, would start making me feel guilty, because I’d yet to accomplish any of the things on it. So, I stopped with the lists, the resolutions. I’m more impulsive than lists allow — I’ll simply do, or stop doing, something because it just seems to be the time to do, or stop doing something. Besides, I usually lose the list.
This year, though, I thought I’d come up with a list of sorts.
I’ll leave you to decide which things I’m serious about, and which are simply added to make the list longer.
- Write a blog post every day.
- Write one scary story each month.
- Write one poem each month.
- Vacuum more often.
- Dust more frequently.
- Walk more.
- Take more photos.
- Comment on at least 10 blog posts each day (instead of only clicking on the like button).
- Eat less cookies.
- Smoke more weed. (It is legal here, after all).
- Eat more fiber.
- See a therapist.
- Read a book a week.
- Keep the surface of my desk clean for longer than one day.
- Listen to one album every day.
- Write more.
- Sleep more during normal sleeping hours.
- Buy more notebooks to add to my empty notebook collection.
- Buy more pencils.
- Shower every day.
- Try to sound less self-centered.
- Eat more fruit.
- Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
- Find a pair of glasses that make me look smart and sexy.
- Curse more.
- Try to be less bothered by fact mom watches Fox News.
- Be more reclusive.
- Try to like people more.
- Eat less cheese.
- After one month of eating less cheese, spend rest of year eating more cheese.
- Pretend I have some sort of life.
- Tell Julian more often how much I appreciate all he does to help make my life better.
- Be more patient.
- Dream more.
I think that’s a long-enough list of things to ignore, don’t you?